Monday, April 27, 2020

Day #17 - Strong -April

Strong is getting through the demise of loved ones.

When I lost my father to a homicide, I could see that there was no justice, aside from the fact the murderer was above the law anyway, he also committed suicide after killing my father, hence alleviating any recourse. It is perfectly normal to grieve. Allow me to briefly cite the stages of grieve.

They are:

  1. shock
  2. bargaining
  3. anger
  4. sadness
  5. acceptance.



  1. Denial and isolation;
  2. Anger;
  3. Bargaining;
  4. Depression;
  5. Acceptance.

But it is also worth mentioning that, 
"People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them."

We all experience the 5 different stages of grief in different ways to help us cope with the traumatic loss of a loved one. I know this all too well!

I think that the only one I never came to terms with must be #5 acceptance since I have so many questions. There are facets of the whole ordeal that I just can't accept. A number of circumstances are just too unbelievable, being way out of whack.

The timing, if he had been just 30 minutes before or 30 minutes later, he would still be alive today. He was helping his termagant who was always at odds with everyone since she had such a strong will and controlling demeanor. She even said one Christmas, in regards to opening presents,
"I'm going to control this!"


These are my cousin's words about the termagant,

"I totally agree with you that she was so controlling and boisterous!! She made me eat sausage for Christmas one year and she made me eat it like I was her child. I wasn’t even a child; I think I was 19 or 20 and a vegetarian. So, I get it when you talk about her being a control freak!!!!"

I'm just shaking my head in disbelief, unfuckingreal!

So at least other people saw the way she was too, I wasn't the only one.

I don't even know what he planned on doing to help her, besides getting himself killed.
In the end, the 3 of them argued about money, the root of all evil. My dad had NO business in that argument that only involved her and her murderous ex-husband.

Enough rambling.
I just needed to get this off my chest. 
I don't mean to bring you down and depress you. 
Sorry about that.

Thank you VERY MUCH for listening

Maybe I am not as strong as I project myself to be. 

You never know

It is said that your kids, albeit, fur babies give you one of the best days of your life and one of your worst. I am dreading the day my daughter, you met her on March 3rd --Day #3 - change, moves on forever thereby giving me my worst.

Presently though, I will spend a lot of time with her and will cherish the time I have now while she is here with me to treat her like the little precious princess that she is. I feel that she was sent to me by god. Anything is possible!

Goodbye till tomorrow's challenge. If it's one thing I love, its a good challenge.

Love you both (for listening to me ramble),
CJ

No comments:

Post a Comment